Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Hangover Part II (2011)

What is Zach doing? He's praying he's not really in this movie.
  
     I'm not bold enough to even try and bury the lead on this one. The Hangover Part II sucks. It is the worst movie I've seen so far this year, and there have been some real doozies. It is unfunny, unoriginal, and completely unworthy of your time and mine. It's like this: Yesterday, I got a bill from my student loan company. I had more fun paying that than I did watching The Hangover 2: Hungoverer.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

"Wait...did you say Vampire Mermaids?!"

     Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is one of my favorite summer blockbusters. I've loved that movie since the first time I saw it. Of the first two sequels it spawned, Dead Man's Chest was only a small step down but still immensely entertaining, while At World's End was overly confusing and slightly disappointing. Neither of these sequels were bad, but neither captured the magic of the first outing. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (henceforth referred to as POTC4) unfortunately continues this trend of diminishing returns.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Bridesmaids (2011)

Seal Team Six


     Hard-edged, gross-out comedies used to rule the theatres. That is until film studios became obsessed with targeting a younger and younger audience. Movies like Animal House, Porky's, and Bachelor Party could never be made in this kiddie-friendly climate. R-rated comedies, until very recently, were considered a risk. Now, thanks in large part to the massive success of The Hangover, it is safe to say these raunchy romps are poised to come back in a big, bad way. Enter Bridesmaids. Don't be fooled by the title and the pretty pink dresses on the poster, guys. This is no fruity little chick flick. This movie earns it's "R" and redefines what female-driven comedies are capable of.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Thor 3D (2011)

Stop!...Hammertime.

     The release of Thor this weekend officially kicks off the summer blockbuster season. Of all the titles that Marvel has released in recent years it is fair to say that Thor is one of the lesser known heroes. It also might be the hardest to translate into a cinematic form. In any other comic, the first movie would tell the hero's origin story. The story of Thor however, is totally different. Thor is a god. He doesn't gain his superpower, he is born with it. Trying to reshape Thor to fit more into this "origin story" mold that people are used to seeing causes the movie to feel hollow and unfulfilling, albeit beautifully designed.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Fast Five (2011)

"You think you can steal MY movie!?"

     Fast Five is the fifth (sneaky isn't it?) installment in a film franchise that should have crashed and burned after the cheeseball second entry, appropriately titled: 2 Fast 2 Furious. At the least it should have been relegated to the darkest depths of straight-to-DVD hell. But the series survived, and actually started to grow a little. By the time the fifth movie in a series like this rolls out, they have to be scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas though, right? I mean, there is no way Fa5ter and Furiou5er could actually be a good movie. I have to say this assumption is dead wrong. Not only does Fast Five not suck, but it succeeds as a great action movie in it's own right.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Water For Elephants (2011)

     On the surface, Water For Elephants is a classically-made film. One part fantasy, one part adventure, and one part love story. It stars that young heartthrob kid from the Twilight movies (Robert Pattenson), that ingenue chick who won an Academy award for Best Actress, and that German guy who won Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of an evil Nazi in Inglourious Basterds. From the look of the trailer, it would seem none of them were really breaking type or hitting out of their wheelhouse. How the movie actually plays out, however, is something very different. Water For Elephants isn't a movie about following your heart or fighting against all odds to win the unending affections of your one true love. It is a movie about lust, sadness, and despair and the lengths to which a person will go fueled only by those base emotions.